My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
