I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
