I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
