btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
