PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
