I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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