READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
