My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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