you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
