i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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