Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize