Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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