New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
