it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
