that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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