Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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