dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
