dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Randomize
