Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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