I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize