Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
