Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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