Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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