i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
