if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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