i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
