I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
All the doctor said was why
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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