Me too!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
