Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
