You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
