grandma shit on top of the toilet
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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