Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
