i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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