chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
