I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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