How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We left the knife in your bed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
