john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize