I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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