She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you never un-have a 4some
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
