it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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