Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
