OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
