Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
