shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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