and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
