p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
