he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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