No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
