my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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