party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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