did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize
