she woke up with a sticky ear
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
