The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
