ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
