I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Please don't give away my fajitas
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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