With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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