he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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