I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
