You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
