4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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