My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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