he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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