If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
